achievements and other well-intended interventions foster dependency
on external validation and undermine the children's trust in them
selves. Children who are subjected to endless commentary,
acknowledgment, and praise eventually learn to do things not for their
own sake, but to please others.
When we intervene with praise, wants, advice, and rewards, doubts
sneak in and shake loose our children's trust in themselves and in us…
they perceive that we have an agenda - that we are manipulating them
toward some preferred or "improved" end result…As educator John Holt
has said of children, "They are afraid, above all else, of failing, of
disappointing or displeasing the many anxious adults around them,
whose limitless hopes and expectations for them hang over their heads
like a cloud." In short…the happiness we see (as a result of praise)
is not pleasure, but rather relief that another pleasing act has been
accomplished, securing parental approval (emotional survival) and
concealing a feeling of deep loss.
- Naomi Aldort
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