Most that know me know that I grew up in the conservative Mormon church.  I don't feel like going into the details now, but suffice it to say I still feel psychologically and spiritually scarred from the experience.  It took many months of participation in online ex-mormon support groups, getting my name officially off the roles, and joining a new church before I really felt like I had made significant steps toward healing. 

After some research I found the Unitarian Universalist church to be a good fit for me and I have been a fairly active participant in their congregations for the last 5+ years. 

This last year I've really started to question whether my congregation and/or the religion at large are really the best place for me.  I thoroughly appreciate the presence of the church in the world.  They are an outspoken voice for the spiritual left and they do wonderful things but I'm not sure they're what's right for me.

I've always been a little put off by the demographics--the lack of diversity.  Very middle-to-upper-middle class, white.  I always feel like the youngest, poorest one in the bunch.  Not that these things should matter in a spiritual community but I just have trouble relating to other congregants on a personal level.  I'm also feeling like they're not very family-friendly.  They have great programs for adults and great programs for kids, but they do a lousy job of serving the whole family. 

As much as I like what they're doing, I'm starting to feel like we're too crunchy for the UU's.  At least the ones in this particular congregation.

We got the registration form for the RE program next year and I got pretty annoyed when I came to the last few questions.  Maybe I'm just in a crabby mood, but  the wording and mere existence of a few questions really ticked me off.  I'll include the worst ones and my responses. 

We're still planning on attending in the fall, but I have to admit that I'm ready to pull out at any time.  Not sure if I should just try a different congregation or if I'd look for something new entirely.  I DO like a lot of what they do.  We'll have to see what this year has in store for us...


The Questions:

What Method of discipline works best in your family for inappropriate behavior? I take offense at this question.  Children do not act inappropriately.  Adults have inappropriate expectations of how children should act.  If a child is put in a position where inappropriate demands are made of him/her, it is likely they will behave in ways that adults do not appreciate.  If I feel like other adults are bothered by my children's behavior I will explain the problem to my children and trust that they will show empathy and change their behavior.  If that doesn't happen, I am more than happy to remove my family from the situation as it was likely not appropriate in the first place.  I am saddened by the anti-family culture that exists in our church and society at large. I think that we all lose when we constantly separate the young from the old or expect the young to act in ways that are not developmentally appropriate. 

List the top 2 rulesof conduct in your house.   I cannot imagine a household of respectful adults who needed a list of rules to remind them how to conduct themselves.  As such, I would never impose such things on my children.  I believe that creating arbitrary rules would diminish a child's dignity, which is a violation of my personal values.  I can imagine a group of people who come together for work or other endeavors working together to create a set of group norms that might look something like rules.  Ideally these rules would be agreed upon by all.  But applying this structure to family life seems completely inauthentic.  Saying that I have the right to force my own "rules" on another person implies that I am somehow greater than them--that I deserve to have power over them.  I prefer my household to operate more like a community of equals than a dictatorship.  My spouse and I interact as equals and we are constantly modeling this to our children.  We hope that by modeling this and by respecting our children's needs and wants that they will learn in turn learn empathy and eventually offer the same respect to others that we have shown to them.

 

And later I added:

 I have to say that I'm pretty uncomfortable with this line of questioning.  The wording (discipline, inappropriate behavior, rules) implies a culture that is fundamentally at odds with my family's parenting philosophies.  As our UU values state, I believe that ALL people should be treated with dignity and respect.  I think that this especially applies to children, who are often overlooked by adults that seem to think they have the right to dominate those smaller or younger than them.  I believe in extending the same respect to my children that I would any other person, young or old, and I trust that in modeling this that my children will someday show this same respect to the world at large.  I would not "discipline" my spouse or friends, nor would I invent rules of conduct for them to follow.  What a weird way to interact with the world.  Treating my children this way would surely be a poor way of preparing them for life away from home.

I was saddened to find this in my email today.  A statement from the minister of my church informing me of a shooting in one of our sister congregations in Tennessee.  I don't even know what to say about it right now.  It is just so sick and wrong.  Very depressing.


July 28, 2008

Response to UU Church Shootings in Tennessee

Dear Congregants, People all over the nation were saddened Sunday morning with the news of the killings at the Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church in Knoxville, Tennessee. The shooter, a Jim Adkisson, was tackled and subdued by church members, but not before he killed two persons and wounded six more, some remaining in critical or serious condition. It is always a shock when sacred space is violated. It is especially disturbing that this deed took place when children were present, presenting a play, "Annie," when the shooting began. Our hearts go out to the members of the church, and we pray for them as they go through what will be a long and difficult time of healing. The news reports say that Adkisson left a letter in his car saying that he chose this church because of their known liberal stance on many issues, and that he blamed "liberals" for his inability to find work. I think we have to understand that violence always happens in a context. The context for these killings was set by Rush Limbaugh and his compatriots, by businesses that sponsor "hate radio," and by those who regularly listen to and support these programs. Because such talk is on the radio, sponsored by legitimate companies, it must be credible, many will conclude. And it is then a small step for some who are driven over the edge by loss or grief or mental illness to retaliate against their supposed enemies. Though Adkinson pulled the trigger and is responsible for the crime, these tragic deaths should not be laid upon one man alone, but should be seen as emerging out of the total context of pain and propaganda from which this man came. We at First Unitarian in Portland, Oregon, are widely known for our support of liberal causes, and we have always been vulnerable to acts of retaliation because of this. We have a security guard who is present every Sunday morning, and our sextons and our ushers are trained to respond to needs or disturbances in the service, whether they be from a troubled visitor or for a medical emergency. We have had a very occasional medical emergency, but nothing serious, and thankfully we have never been visited by acts of violence. Because we are a church, we take risks of various kinds. We take in individuals that other organizations would reject. We take stands that might be unpopular. We do what is right, though it might be costly in various ways. But if we did not go forward as a moral force in our society, we might as well close our doors. We would be merely a social club or a debating society and not a place where lives are changed and where those lives reach out and change the larger world. Yes, we are liberals in the sense of being generous, egalitarian, open, justice-seeking people. We'll keep witnessing with our message. We'll keep our banners up. We'll keep the light shining in the Eliot Chapel, every night, letting our city know where we stand. Because that's who we are and that's why we exist. Blessings, Marilyn To read a statement from Rev. Bill Sinkford, President of the Unitarian Universalist Association, click here: Statement.

Funny, last time I took it I got UU first, followed by Buddhism.  I guess these things are always changing, 'course it could have something to do with whiney-pooh coming in half way through and insisting that I get off the computer immediately ;) Thankfully, Mormonism is still in it's place, hovering near the bottom...

Your Results:
The top score on the list below represents the faith that Belief-O-Matic, in its less than infinite wisdom, thinks most closely matches your beliefs. However, even a score of 100% does not mean that your views are all shared by this faith, or vice versa.

Belief-O-Matic then lists another 26 faiths in order of how much they have in common with your professed beliefs. The higher a faith appears on this list, the more closely it aligns with your thinking.

1.	Neo-Pagan (100%)
2.	Liberal Quakers (96%)
3.	Unitarian Universalism (96%)
4.	New Age (95%)
5.	Secular Humanism (85%)
6.	Mahayana Buddhism (84%)
7.	Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (78%)
8.	Theravada Buddhism (76%)
9.	Taoism (72%)
10.	New Thought (65%)
11.	Reform Judaism (65%)
12.	Scientology (64%)
13.	Bahá'í Faith (58%)
14.	Orthodox Quaker (58%)
15.	Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (55%)
16.	Nontheist (55%)
17.	Jainism (43%)
18.	Sikhism (43%)
19.	Hinduism (40%)
20.	Orthodox Judaism (35%)
21.	Islam (28%)
22.	Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (28%)
23.	Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (27%)
24.	Seventh Day Adventist (24%)
25.	Eastern Orthodox (17%)
26.	Roman Catholic (17%)
27.	Jehovah's Witness (13%)